My Experience with the Lamb of God
I was a late add to the Lamb of God this year. I think the first rehearsal I attended was the first week of March. I came because our awesome neighbor, Heather Wright kept telling me to join at ward choir, and the Spirit quietly spoke to me that I should. I am so grateful I did, and wanted to share my experience with you.
In June of 2017, we moved back to Utah after nearly 5 years in the Bay Area. And that began a very long year of hard trials for me and my family, culminating in a miscarriage that also nearly took the life of my wife, Amy, right after Christmas. It was a very hard time, and I did not know how to deal with it well. So I plunged back into life and new goals - including losing 50 pounds in 2018. While 2018 was a better year, for sure, it was also a hard personal year because I was finally trying to come to terms with myself, the lack of a vision for my life at the time, and struggles with my own weaknesses and shortcomings. I was re-examining old stories, heartaches, and other hurts and could not seem to find purpose or healing.
Then, my wife got pregnant again and the excitement of a new baby brought a new focus that I could lean on. I met my weightloss goal, things at work had gotten to a good place, and the baby was coming. But overall, I had simply painted over a few years of hard trials and personal difficulty.
In December of this past year (2018), we had another miscarriage, and it again left us raw and heart-broken. For me, as we prepared for the procedure to remove the baby, it brought back the pain and fear of losing my wife as well. I was full of turmoil inside and by mid February, I found myself outside of my office with my boss, talking about life, having a major breakdown. Thankfully my boss is a great guy, and a Bishop, so he handled it in an inspired manner. But I realized that the paint was stripped bare and I needed to deal with things.
I spent some considerable time, pondering, praying, and seeking for answers. I was so, so tired. Emotionally, physically, mentally...in every way I could be. It was about this time, on a Sunday during war Choir that Heather again told me I should join, and the Spirit just so softly nudged me to do so.
So on that Sunday in March, I came to my first rehearsal. I had never heard the music before, so I had a lot of catch up to do, but I bought the full score, and listened to it in my car off Spotify as I drove to work every day.
And now, at the end of this year's experience. I am writing this with a very full, grateful heart. Since I joined the group, many miracles have happened in my life, and in a short period of time, the Lord has answered my prayers in grand and beautiful ways.
A large part of this has been singing in this group. I am glad I bought the full score. It has allowed me to follow every word of the songs, the narration, and the soloists. As I have listened and followed it, the Spirit has so many times overwhelmed me. I have come to love this music, the message in it, and it has helped me heal some pretty big wounds and my broken heart.
I think that is what I love most of this production. For me, it is a story of healing of pain, mistakes, and personal weakness by the Lord's atonement. From the story of Lazurus and Martha's longing to be made whole, to Thomas's struggle to overcome his struggles of faith and perhaps self-doubt more than anything. And then of course, it's Mary's song of hope and Peter's song pleading and promising redemption from his denial.
Each song has meant so much to me. It repeats in my heart every day and the constant repetition of it has been a repeating therapeutic touch to my heart. And so my tears have transitioned from sorrow to joy and gratitude. And so has my heart.
Thank you, all you who sang and played with me. Thank you for allowing me to join without question, with open arms, and in my imperfect singing. Thank you for feeling. For having the Spirit, for telling the story with sincerity. It has been an overwhelming experience and a grand answer to a desperate prayer made in my car while driving home brokenhearted on a cold February day.
I love you all. If there is anything I can do for you, I am 100% willing to do my best to try. Thank you thank you thank you. I know Christ loves us. I know he hears our pleading heart. For 'what I longed for most of all, no longer eludes my open, pleading hand, no silence met my call, and he indeed held my hand.
I think this line sums it up for me: "Though dark thy way, still sing and praise, Sometime, Sometime we'll understand." This is what you helped me do.
Love,
Brother Adam Clark
In June of 2017, we moved back to Utah after nearly 5 years in the Bay Area. And that began a very long year of hard trials for me and my family, culminating in a miscarriage that also nearly took the life of my wife, Amy, right after Christmas. It was a very hard time, and I did not know how to deal with it well. So I plunged back into life and new goals - including losing 50 pounds in 2018. While 2018 was a better year, for sure, it was also a hard personal year because I was finally trying to come to terms with myself, the lack of a vision for my life at the time, and struggles with my own weaknesses and shortcomings. I was re-examining old stories, heartaches, and other hurts and could not seem to find purpose or healing.
Then, my wife got pregnant again and the excitement of a new baby brought a new focus that I could lean on. I met my weightloss goal, things at work had gotten to a good place, and the baby was coming. But overall, I had simply painted over a few years of hard trials and personal difficulty.
In December of this past year (2018), we had another miscarriage, and it again left us raw and heart-broken. For me, as we prepared for the procedure to remove the baby, it brought back the pain and fear of losing my wife as well. I was full of turmoil inside and by mid February, I found myself outside of my office with my boss, talking about life, having a major breakdown. Thankfully my boss is a great guy, and a Bishop, so he handled it in an inspired manner. But I realized that the paint was stripped bare and I needed to deal with things.
I spent some considerable time, pondering, praying, and seeking for answers. I was so, so tired. Emotionally, physically, mentally...in every way I could be. It was about this time, on a Sunday during war Choir that Heather again told me I should join, and the Spirit just so softly nudged me to do so.
So on that Sunday in March, I came to my first rehearsal. I had never heard the music before, so I had a lot of catch up to do, but I bought the full score, and listened to it in my car off Spotify as I drove to work every day.
And now, at the end of this year's experience. I am writing this with a very full, grateful heart. Since I joined the group, many miracles have happened in my life, and in a short period of time, the Lord has answered my prayers in grand and beautiful ways.
A large part of this has been singing in this group. I am glad I bought the full score. It has allowed me to follow every word of the songs, the narration, and the soloists. As I have listened and followed it, the Spirit has so many times overwhelmed me. I have come to love this music, the message in it, and it has helped me heal some pretty big wounds and my broken heart.
I think that is what I love most of this production. For me, it is a story of healing of pain, mistakes, and personal weakness by the Lord's atonement. From the story of Lazurus and Martha's longing to be made whole, to Thomas's struggle to overcome his struggles of faith and perhaps self-doubt more than anything. And then of course, it's Mary's song of hope and Peter's song pleading and promising redemption from his denial.
Each song has meant so much to me. It repeats in my heart every day and the constant repetition of it has been a repeating therapeutic touch to my heart. And so my tears have transitioned from sorrow to joy and gratitude. And so has my heart.
Thank you, all you who sang and played with me. Thank you for allowing me to join without question, with open arms, and in my imperfect singing. Thank you for feeling. For having the Spirit, for telling the story with sincerity. It has been an overwhelming experience and a grand answer to a desperate prayer made in my car while driving home brokenhearted on a cold February day.
I love you all. If there is anything I can do for you, I am 100% willing to do my best to try. Thank you thank you thank you. I know Christ loves us. I know he hears our pleading heart. For 'what I longed for most of all, no longer eludes my open, pleading hand, no silence met my call, and he indeed held my hand.
I think this line sums it up for me: "Though dark thy way, still sing and praise, Sometime, Sometime we'll understand." This is what you helped me do.
Love,
Brother Adam Clark
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